I was stressed! My children were all over the place, and I couldn’t get them to do what I needed them to do. I felt like a tired mama; exhausted of always cleaning and packing, I would be frutstrated with my little ones to just do the right thing. My five-year-old was just living life so fabulously! Queen Ohanna never doing a single thing for herself. I made her bed. I packed her snack. I cleaned her clothes off the floor. Me, me, ME! She did nothing. Except, you know, eat yogurt and play Roblox. Then, it hit me.

I heard my light bulb say, “teach!”

I said to my light bulb, “you’re right!”

I think as moms, we don’t realize that it takes a lot of work learning how to be human. Our poor little ones just have a couple of years of human experience, and it’s just not it! It’s not enough. Imagine being dropped into a different universe, you know no one, you know nothing, you’re just there. You can’t communicate verbally, and the worst happens. Your mind can’t process anything or understand much. All you can process is feeling, but the people taking care of you don’t understand a child’s mind. That leaves you there, alone, and misunderstood. Then, you’re able to speak and form sentences, but no one understands you’re still operating solely under your senses. You only understand information if it’s processed through your five senses. Complex ideas like consequences aren’t something you can understand, but the adults around you seriously expect you to. Somehow, everyone around you always becomes angry with you because you’re playing. They say it’s a mess, and you don’t understand what they are talking about because you’re playing with the toys and need to have the toys there. Then, they start getting more and more angry with you as time goes on.

Saying things like, “you’re eight years old and old enough! You know better than to act like that or do that.” Blaming you for doing what you do, just for being a kid.

I was this mom. I didn’t understand a child’s psychology at all. Did you know that a child’s brain doesn’t develop reasoning until the age of 9. That’s when they can process cause and effect. This is what Psychologist consider milestones; as in, it takes a while for you to get there. Milestones are years apart from each other because it takes a child years to develop them. Usually, milestones aren’t simple tasks we learn. It’s a programming, a trial and error for a child to develop as time goes on. They are great accomplishments in a child’s life and brain development. Treating them like they are supposed to know life at 8 or younger is extremely unrealistic.

One way I started to exercise my daughter’s mind to start understanding consequences was in a more positive light through rewards. There are positive consequences when we complete a task we should complete, otherwise known as rewards. The word consequence also means cost. Negative choices cost us something. Positive choices give us rewards.

This is how I taught my daughter how to start being a little more responsible: a reward chart.

The brain releases dopamine, a feel-good chemical (neurotransmitter) that will impact mood, muscle movement, sleep, ability to store and recall memories, concentration, appetite, and self-control. Wow! Who would have thought that a positive reward system can shape a child’s entire existence. Best of all, it shaped her behavior. She felt more confidently about herself and her abilities. As she should because being an adult is hard enough, imagine being a brand spanking new human with a harsh caregiver. This style of teaching only leads a child to feel devalued and belittled.

Try this inexpensive rewards chart, get some stickers from the dollar store, and reward them a sticker for each task they complete each day of the week.

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